a hundred degrees

Embarassed by the Academy

  I had just finished reading all 800+ pages and I wanted to share the story. So I rented the Academy Award winning movie adaptation and excitedly took it to Drew and Sarah's to watch with them. It sucked. Really really sucked. Please do yourself the favor of never trying to watch the Albert Finney version of "Tom Jones." It is unwatchable crap. Get the A&E version from 1997. Much more faithful. Much more enjoyable.

  I'm not much of an awards show watcher. We sat through most of the Grammy's this year because Lexie had heard that Sting was going to be on. Apparently he must have been first and we missed him. What we saw went from bad to worse. When the show ended without her fellow appearing, Lexie wept for the wasted time and effort of sitting through the rest of the crap.
  Somehow we ended up watching the Academy Awards last night. I have found that the best picture award usually goes to a film that is not really very deserving. Not generally as bad as "Tom Jones" but rarely a picture that I would pick as best. Moderate irritation at the unified vulgarity of Hollywood generally characterizes my reaction. Last night they lit their bag of crap on my doorstep, rang the bell, and ran away laughing.
  Look, I'm a Tolkien fanboy from way way back. I carried my copy of The New Tolkien Companion around with me for most of my middle school years. I've read the books more than seven times. I rented the cassettes of the BBC version and made copies. My only advanced English class in college was a seminar on Tolkien. I even bought some of the Middle Earth Role Playing stuff.
  I should have been as ecstatic as I imagine John Kovalic's Igor would have been. It's just that, well, I didn't care that much for the third movie. Let me take the easy shot first: twenty minutes of movie time after the ring went in and you didn't burn down the Shire? The war should end on the step of Bag End. Didn't Christopher Lee deserve to play out the part of Sharkey? The battles were too long and Denethor was cheated of time depicting his wisdom and authority. The love story that appears in the main storyline (Faramir and Eowyn), untold. Recovery from wounding a ringwraith just a matter of a few minutes rest. Did I mention that we spent twenty minutes just smiling at each other? Didn't anybody learn from "Batman Returns" that movies with no dialog are crappier than those with snappy one liners. Or am I the only one who thinks that some black humor belonged in the mouth of the Penguin instead of just "quack quack"?
  So, all these years of mocking the academy's decisions, and all the years of fantasy casting for one of my favorite stories, believing it would never be made into film, converge in one night. They mock me. "Here's your ultimate genre film. It's sold really well. We will give it our stamp of approval. We're just being consistent. You didn't much like the film, so we did."
  I should be thrilled. But the "Cold Mountain" songs were better. Even the one that didn't have Sting. I like Annie Lennox, but that song was unremarkable. Thank God for Mitch and Mickey, that's another soundtrack I need to pick up.
  I should be thrilled. But they took something great, dumbed it down, and patted themselves on the back. I should be embarassed for them. But they took it from me. I retain some claim. So I am ashamed by them.