Happy Birthday, Iraq War!

According to the Encyclopædia Britannica, today is the the Iraq War’s fifth birthday!

U.S. President George W. Bush ordered air strikes against Baghdad, the capital of Iraq, thus launching the Second Persian Gulf War to oust Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein.

Happy birthday, Iraq War! Trillions of dollars, 4,000 Americans dead, many more permanently wounded (but we’re not going to take care of them!), atrocities by all sides, and oil prices are still going up! We’re proud of you for making it all the way to Five Years Old.

Occupation, war — who cares! You’re now in kindergarten!

Just remember: we won’t always be at Not-War with, um, you guys We’re likely to pull out any day now, just like we left the Philippines, the DMZ and Western Europe!