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May 18, 2005
A Tribute to Star Wars
In honor of today's premiere of episode three, I offer below my own version of Star Wars, written when I was twelve. It was, in fact, begun on May 22, 1981, twenty-four years and three days before today's premiere. Notice that my version has the edgy premise that Han Solo is actually working for the empire when the story opens. Read it and either a)weep or b)dare to tell me I don't have what it takes to be a writer. And remember, folks, twelve. Age twelve.
"I knew someday I'd go to [sic] far," a middle-aged, fairly handsome man remarked. Next to him, a 100 year old wookie, seated in a co-pilot chair grunted in return. Han Solo, smuggler, pirate, gazed out the front window of his old, beat up ship, which he called, the "falcon."
Han smuggled many unsual things, but this? Smuggle some princess for the empire?
"I don't know, Chewbacca--well, I've already got myself into this mess. Let's get going."
As they neared, many laser shots and rocks were flashing across the galaxy.
Back in a dark cave, lit up by radar screens, and flashing buttons, a young, pretty woman with her braided hair coiled on top of her head gazed intently at a flashing screen. An officer approached her.
"Princess, no signs of approaching ships, or any signs of distrubance from the empire. I suppose that pleases you."
"No," Leia replied. "It really worries me. If Darth Vador hasn't done something already I'm afraid he's planning something really big." A call from a nearby watchout post interrupted her thoughts, saying, "There's a ship approaching!"
"Man your stations--oh, never mind--that couldn't be the empire in that dinky little ship--just be on guard."
Han told Chewie to watch the ship, while he went and pretended to be friendly.
Han, expecting a richly dressed lady with a crown and all, stood gaping at Princess Leia, after a guard pointed her out.
"Well, what'ya expect, an evening gown in *here*?"
"You're the princess?" Han asked, unbelievingly.
"What do I have to do, have you kiss my feet?" she answered sarcastically.
"Alright, alright, just sit down and simmer down."
"Are you telling me to shut up?" she asked.
"In a nice way, yes."
"Where did you come from anyway?"
"Maybe it's time you had a talk with your mommy."
"I've had it with you," she turned away, tears stinging her eyes, as she remembered her mother.
"Oh come off it--stop putting me through the third degree. I came to see you," he said.
"Me?"
"Well, not exactly you," he almost slipped! "Just, whoever was here that could help me."
Across the empire, Darth Vador sat smugly in his throne.
"So, Solo has gone to get the princess. I'm sure she'll go with him. He'll appeal to her. If he's working for me, maybe she will too.
Leia stood gazing out the door, watching Han try to fix his ship.
"That imp," she said under her breath.
"Princess, there's disturbance near. So near, half of our hide out has been blown away," a young officer Perolt shouted.
Suddenly, a loud voice was screaming into an intercom, "EVACUATE!"
Han winced. "What a voice. She could get a job calling hogs (tauntauns)!"
The whole place suddenly was in a turmoil of running people.
"Good luck," Leia was saying to a band of her fighters.
Well, fans, that's it for today. But there's more where that came from. Tune in another time to find out who will cook dinner--Leia or Han?--and what happens when Leia is thrown into Han's arms by a disturbance in the force one too many times. (Notice that I didn't say, "tune in tomorrow"--that's because I don't want to scare you, my readers, away.)
Posted by Lisa at May 18, 2005 07:59 PM
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Comments
I see you've omitted overt references to Yoda's son, Trent.
Though I have enjoyed today's excerpt, my favorite line in your oevre remains, "Darth Vader turned the disturbing thought over in his covered head."
Meanwhile, I have probably been negligent in not telling you that the boys routinely quote you. "Bee bo bop dee dee," they'll call out before explaining, "Lisa says that."
Posted by: Marion at May 19, 2005 09:24 AM