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May 20, 2005
Pray and Scream
Can I just say that I’m really, really annoyed with myself and God right now? My husband is in the process of very preliminary job negotiations that seem as slender as a house of cards: nobody breathe. And I don’t know how to pray about it.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a response to a post at Smart Christian, who asked for responses to questions that members of his congregation had submitted. One question was, How do we discover God’s will or purpose for our life? I wrote this snippy little response that said, in effect, that I was sick of people whining about what God’s will for them was when the Bible says it clearly over and over: “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (I Thess. 5: 16-18). The Bible does not talk about career paths and the ladder to financial success and what house you should buy. It talks about praying and giving thanks. I basically agree with what I wrote, but I think I could have conveyed it with a lot more gentleness and grace.
When you act without grace, your actions come back and bite you in the ass.
Now I feel like I’m one of those whiny people I complained about. What I want to ask God for is a tailor-made job for my husband, in the perfect place, with the perfect people, with a perfect salary, and so on. As job after job falls through, I want scream, “Well, what is that you want with us, then?”
And I know what He wants. Give thanks continually. Pray. Submit your requests with thanksgiving.
And I know what He’s taught me. I’m pretty close to understanding what it means to say, “you can’t take it with you.” Salvation (even salvation here on earth) is a huge cushion that I know will soften any fall we might take. Money really doesn’t matter, because it’s really OK, because there really is a God that makes it OK.
So how do I pray? Do I give thanks and simulate joy, or do I scream for what I really want, like all those whiny Christians?
Thank goodness Jesus himself introduced paradox into Christianity, because right now I think I’m going to scream *and* give thanks (with a heavy emphasis on the screaming).
Posted by Lisa at May 20, 2005 10:49 AM
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Comments
First, the preface: It is simply a screaming kind of day, so go for it.
Second, it's a screaming kind of life, so go for it. God can take it.
I think you *should* tell God everything you've shared here, whining if you like, yelling if you like.
All of which reminds me of the Sermon on the Mount. Blessed are those who mourn indeed. Just what the hell does that mean? Well, personally I do not think it indicates that we have to be thankful or consider ourselves blessed *because* we're in mourning or distressed or persecuted. I think it means we should be thankful because even in those moments of ache and pain, God is right there with us on our level. There's the blessing. God's not waiting for an update on the situation, he's right there next to you, ready for converation. It's therefore kinda pointless to pray something other than what our own hearts would corroborate.
That said, these prayers are difficult. My mother's advice on not knowing how best to pray in difficult situations? "God, either change me or change the situation. Thy will be done."
So there. Amen.
And, PB&J, I'll demand an update later. M.
Posted by: Marion at May 20, 2005 03:18 PM